I need to stop coming to work sober
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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