in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
