Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
