Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
