Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
