that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
