Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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