i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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