im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
