I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
