I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
