Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
