Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
