Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
