CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Are we still banned from the library?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
My life is pants optional.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
