toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
