smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
