it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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