Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
