the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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