So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
