My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
