Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
