it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
there is glitter all over my balls
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
