Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
