I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
