I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
