so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
