there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
