I just pynch a tree in the face
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
