i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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