i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
