I just saw a hot homeless man
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
