I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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