Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
we made out on top of his cat.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
