it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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