so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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