Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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