That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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