You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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