I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
