so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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