There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
