Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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