he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
