I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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