just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
