I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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