Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
