the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
