Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
