tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
