After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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