I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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